What If Alucard had a son?
by Raque
Summary: It was no use. He was in a dead faint, out cold to the world, thanks to two words. 'Your son.'"
1. One happy family?

**What If Alucard Had a Son?**

Amy walked down a park path with her son, Morgan. It was his birthday, October 31. He was five and brought a new definition to 'demonic.' Amy swung her arms and heard the shrieking of squirrels from the bushes lining the bath.

"Morgan!" she yelled, "At least hide the carcasses this time!" A mad laugh like the fathers, only higher, ensued.

Who is the father you may ask? Alucard.

Amy heard a deeper laugh from behind. She knew that laugh all too well. Turning she stuck her hands on her hips and glared up at him. Actually glared UP at him. For reference, her height; 5'2" his height; 6'6" (by request). She was small and fair, he was tall and dark.

She sighed. "Alucard. Nice to see you after five years. What brings you here?"

He smirked. "Amy. Cute as always, but I'm here on Hellsing business. Reports of brutal attacks on animals. Sent to investigate by Sir Hellsing. Go home Amy, for your safety."

She gave a cute laugh. She knew exactly what he was talking about. Morgan. So, Hellsing had found out about the animals. At least they didn't suspect humans were being killed yet.

Morgan knew who his father was. His mother, Amy had told him. He didn't believe her at first, so he asked his neighbors, Kat and Molly, other wise known as Tech. They had both verified the fact. Kat because she had met him, and Tech because, well he didn't know how Tech knew, but she did.

Looking at the man his mother called "Alucard," he stayed in the bushes watching. Morgan and Amy both wanted to surprise him with the fact he had a son, and besides the attacks were courtesy of him. Amy would not let him attack people, but her would practice fighting with Tech and "sneaking" with Kat.

Amy began toying with one of her braids. She was wearing them because Morgan liked her hair in braids. She knew Morgan was watching and silently asked him when they should tell Alucard he was a father. Morgan wanted now, but she wanted later. So she compromised.

"Maa, Alucard, about the attacks. What is it about them that is dangerous? It's only animals, right? So why should I go home? Also, there is something about them you should know." Amy paused. Her eyes lit up with mischief. "But first, there's someone I want you to meet. Morgan, come here."

Morgan heard his mother call him and came, acting innocent, with the dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He grabbed his mother's leg and put his thumb in his mouth. Widening his eyes, he stared cutely at the Man in Red towering in front of his mother.

Amy patted his head, knowing Alucard was waiting. "The attacks were caused by Morgan. My son. Your son." She looked at Morgan's head and smiled. A loud 'Thump' followed her words.

Jerking her head up, she saw Alucard lying flat out on the ground. Blinking, she walked over to him and nudged him with at toe. He didn't move. Waving her hand in front of his face, she softly called his name.

It was no use. He was in a dead faint, out cold to the world, thanks to two words. "Your son."

Amy giggled. The almighty Alucard fainting, It was just funny.


	2. Week one

Note: This is not a self-insert by the author. Amy is a real person and writes on this site. Her pen name is Bungle-in-the-Jungle. She is not a "mary-sue" this is how she really acts.

Ahhh. The High-lights of week one, raising your not-so-average demonic five year old. (Written by Bungle-in-the-Jungle.)

Day 1

"It can't be…you're lying. You _have_ to be; there _isn't_ any other explanation to this."

"Morgan, go watch some TV; I have to beat some sense into your father."

Three hours later.

"AL! Would you STOP IT?"

Amy hit Alucard's head with the pot.  
"OW! Don't call me Al! It's _no_t my name!" And as an afterthought, "And don't hit me either!"

Day 2

2:00 in the morning. Oh the insaneness of this family.

"Mommy, why is daddy in the Time-Out Corner? Did he flush the cat's head down the toilet toooooo?"

"No, Morgan, daddy didn't flush the cat's head---wait, Morgan, why would the cat's _head_ be flushed down the toilet?"

"Never mind, mommy!"

"Wait a minute" Amy started as her son ran off into another room.

"Morgan Maxwell, you get back here this instant!"  
Evening, with Alucard off doing what Hellsing does.

"But you don't understand, Kat! He's being so _difficult_!"

"Just give him time. He'll come around."

"I've been giving him nothing but time! He's had what? 5, 6 years? THAT SHOULD BE TIME ENOUGH I THINK!"  
And yes, the person on the other end went deaf in one ear for a day…

Day 3

Bonding time?

"Morgan! What did you do?"

"I just wanted to see what would happen, mommy. Geez…"

Alucard's eyes popped open and darted around.

"Where is the little shit, Amy? I'll tear him limb from limb!"

"He's not a 'little shit' Al, he's your son!" Amy bent down and picked up the vampire's severed head and faced him towards his body. "I'm sorry, Al; you know how little boys get when given sharp objects…."  
"AHHHHHHHHHH! MY BODY! My-my…he cut off…cut off…"Then he fainted. Again.

Morgan had beheaded his father in more ways than one.

Bonding time? Maybe not.

"Awww, he's so cute!" Alucard looked at the head of Hellsing as if she were insane.

"Yeah, he's cute alright, until he castrates you because he wanted to 'see what would happen.' I haven't been able to do it for _two weeks _because of him."  
"Well then, he's certainly _your_ son."

Thank you, Integra, for pointing out the obvious.

Day 4

"He set…HE SET IT ON FIRE?" Amy nearly dropped the phone in horror.

"Everyone's ok though, right?...Okay, I'll be right over, Kat." She hung up the phone and turned to Alucard, fuming.

Alucard looked up from his game of solitaire, "What happened?"

"Morgan set Kat's dining room table set-the entire thing, tables, chairs, all of it-on fire! Fire! With STICKS no less. I told him that Kat was a friend and we don't do mean things to friends.!"

"…What did you tell him about me?"

"…………that you needed mental help 80 percent of the time."

So, when are the men in the white jackets coming?

Alucard is finally able to go off and do his Hellsing job. Unfortunately, things were a _little _painful.

"He-YAH!" Alucard's eyes crossed in pain.

"Damnit, Anderson…I just re-grew those!" he growled through clenched teeth…er fangs.

"You _WHAT_!"

Day 5

Never over-look the technical people. Never a good idea.

"TEEECH!" Morgan yelled. "Daddy's hitting me!"

"NANI!"

"You're gonna get it now." The boy hissed in spiteful glee.

Techs always find some way to pay you back.

"Oh, well, besides the fact he abused your five-year-old, everything was just peachy." Amy's eyes widened.

"Could you hold on a second, Molls?"

Amy set the phone down, grabbed a kitchen knife and went into the bathroom.

"Hey, Al? Could you come here for a second?"

"What did I tell you about calling me Al!" he grumbled walking into the small white room.

"BUTTHEAD!" Amy yelled, jumping off the toilet seat and cutting off Alucard's head.

Flipping open the toilet seat, she stuck his severed head in an flushed.

"Now, what the fuck did you do to my son!"

Morgan giggled in the doorway holding a phone..

"…now she flushed his head down the potty, Techie…"

Laughter could be heard from the phone. Yea, they always get you back.

Day 6

"No, I'm sorry, Pete. Morgan and I won't be able to come over for the cook-out tonight…" Amy trailed off, plucking sharpened scissors out of her son's raised fists as her ran past, chasing the cat.

"No, Pete, Morgan's not in the hospital again, we just found ourselves hosting some…unexpected guests…okay. Talk to you later then. Bye."

"Who was that?" Alucard snapped from the couch.

"It was Pete, why?"

"Are you seeing him?"

"What's it to you?"

"I think I deserve to know if the mother of my child is sleeping around-" and he would have said more, sinking himself in further, if Amy hadn't flung the scissors at his throat, severing his vocal cords.

Day 7

Don't we all just love demonic children? I'm sure teachers do too….

"Mrs. Watson, slow down!" Amy yelled into the mouthpiece of the phone. "Now, please repeat that calmly for me."

"Your son, Ms. Callahan, found his way into the janitor's closet this afternoon. He managed not only to create havoc by making fireballs with aerosol cans, but effectively gave all the girls in his class concussions! Morgan is facing expulsion, Ms. Callahan," the principal said sternly. "If he does anything like this again, we won't let him come back; do you understand?"

Amy sighed, looking a Alucard, who was seated at the table.

"Yes, Mrs. Watson, I understand. Should I come pick him up?"

Picking children up from school? Never thought the 'mighty' Alucard would be one.

"_Why_ do I _have _to be here again?"

"……….because you're his father."

"I didn't even _know _the little shit 'till a few days ago! That barely counts!"

"Stop calling him a 'little shit' Alucard, you're gonna give him a complex!"

"………….he already _has_ a complex, Amy."


	3. Alucard gets a break?

Note: This is a collaboration between myself and Bungle-in-the-Jungle. These are written by Bungle-in-the-Jungle.

Week two, without the days. Just the fun stuff.

"I'm _never _doing that again," Alucard muttered as he ambled through the front door, Morgan racing in from behind him.  
"Mommy mommy mommy!" the six year old screamed. "Guess what _daddy _and I did? He took me to the park and we shot _chipmunks_!"  
"**_YOU WHAT_**!"  
"Yeah! Daddy bought a dissposibi... decomposib..."  
"A disposable."  
"Yeah, that kind of camera and we got _pictures_!"

Amy walked very calmly into the garage and got out her brother's old aluminum baseball bat. Coming back the living room, where Anderson was tied to a chair, she handed it to an antsy Morgan.  
"Go crazy, love," she said evenly. Morgan squealed, and that was the last thing Anderson heard.

"Pete! What are you _doing _here?" Amy asked. It was 1:00 in the morning when she had heard pounding on the door. Thinking it was the police, she'd grabbed the bat.  
"I have a questerian, Ah-may."  
"Pete, you're drunk... you're _never _drunk, _ever_! Come in! Are you okay? Has anything happened?"  
"I have a questerian," he repeated. His six-foot frame stumbled through the door way and he landed face first on the couch. "Ah-may," he mumbled, turning on to his side and consequently falling onto the floor. "Ouch... Ah-may... my questerian ish... I don't memember... oh yesh! Ouch..." he hit his head on the coffee table. "Are you cheating on my head?"  
"Am I _what_?"  
"Amy?" Alucard asked wondering down the hallway. "What's going on?"  
"_YOU ARE_!" Pete exclaimed, jumping up then falling face first on the ground and passing out.

Note: Let me know if anyone has any ideas they might want to see happen! My e-mail is in my profile and let me know you are from 


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